So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
