Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if only i could text you this smell
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
