Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
whose ass print is on the piano?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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