She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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