i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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