The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
