i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
