He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
