my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
