I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
