She is in my trunk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
