So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
