R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
