Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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