I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
