She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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