i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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