My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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