He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
