the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize