Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
