peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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