Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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