thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
