Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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