So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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