You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
