she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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