It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
