Apparently you make a good broom.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
