dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
