I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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