also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
