Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
