Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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