p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
