i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
