Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
this boner is exhausting
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
