he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
