i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
