is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
