I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
