Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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