I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
