As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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