I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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