True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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