Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I booty called her while she was in labor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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