maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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