i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I only lived at night.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
