I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
