woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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