Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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